Why Won't My Baby Stop Crying

As a new parent, few things are as stressful as trying to soothe a crying baby, especially when you’re not sure what’s causing their distress. You might find yourself asking, “Why won’t my baby stop crying?” Rest assured, this is a question nearly every parent grapples with at some point. Understanding the reasons behind your baby’s tears and knowing when to seek help can make a world of difference for both you and your little one.

Why Do Babies Cry?

Crying is your baby’s primary way of communicating with you. Since they can’t tell you what they need in words, they rely on crying to get your attention. Babies cry for a variety of reasons, including:

Hunger: This is one of the most common reasons babies cry. Newborns have tiny stomachs and need to eat frequently, so if it’s been a couple of hours since their last feeding, they might be hungry again. Once you know your new baby a little better, you can predict hungry times.  You can always prepare ahead of time to feed your baby every two hours, every two and a half hours, every three hours - what ever the timeline is - so you can be preventive in the meltdown.  However, make sure that the child is actually hungry - we don't want to teach feeding as soothing when they aren't actually hungry. You'll get used to cues and signs, but here are a few to look for:

Recognizing when your newborn is hungry can help you respond to their needs before they start crying, making feeding time smoother for both of you. Here are some common signs that your newborn might be hungry:

• Rooting Reflex

• Lip Smacking or Sucking Movements

• Opening and Closing Mouth

• Hand-to-Mouth Movements

• Fidgeting or Squirming

• Crying

• Waking and Tossing

• Sticking Out Tongue

• Increased Alertness

• Clenching Hands

By learning to recognize these signs, you can feed your baby before they become too upset, making the experience more comfortable for both of you.

Tiredness: Babies can easily become overtired, which can make it difficult for them to settle down and sleep. If your baby has been awake for a while and starts to cry, they might be letting you know that it’s time for a nap. 

For infants and newborns, the signs of tiredness can be a bit more subtle compared to older babies. Since newborns sleep so much throughout the day and night, it’s important to recognize their cues for sleepiness early on to help them settle down before becoming overtired. Here are some signs of tiredness specific to infants and newborns:

• Fussiness and Crying

• Yawning

• Staring Off or Glazed Eyes

• Jerky or Uncoordinated Movements

• Rubbing Eyes or Face

• Quieting Down or Losing Interest

• Sucking or Rooting

• Clenching Fists

• Reduced Coordination

• Turning Away from Light or Sound

• Change in Breathing Pattern

• Becoming More Still

Recognizing these signs early can help you establish a healthy sleep routine for your newborn. It’s generally a good idea to put your baby down for a nap as soon as you notice these cues, even if they don’t seem extremely tired. This can help prevent them from becoming overtired, which can make it more difficult for them to fall asleep and stay asleep.

Discomfort: Wet diapers, being too hot or too cold, or needing a diaper change can all cause discomfort, leading to crying. Check if your baby needs a fresh diaper or a change in their environment. And remember, your version of hot or cold is different from the baby's.  They have a difficult time regulating their temperature - so it's really a guessing game on this one!

Gas or Digestive Issues: Babies’ digestive systems are still developing, which can lead to gas, bloating, and general discomfort. If your baby is pulling their legs up toward their belly or seems to be in pain after feeding, they might be gassy. There are some great videos on how to relieve a baby from gas.  They don't have muscle control yet to be able to push out a toot!  So they will need some help sometimes.  

Overstimulation: The world is a big, exciting place for a baby, but sometimes it can be a bit too much. Loud noises, bright lights, or too many new experiences can overwhelm a baby, leading to tears. Fluorescent lights, electrical buzzing, barking dogs, scratchy clothes, air blowing on them...lots of new things for a baby to be overstimulated by in this world.

Need for Comfort: Sometimes babies cry simply because they want to be held or comforted. Skin-to-skin contact, gentle rocking, or the sound of your voice can help soothe them.  Some babies like to be held...some need their space.  

When to Be Concerned

While crying is a normal part of a baby’s life, there are times when it might indicate something more serious. According to KidsHealth, if your baby cries for more than three hours a day, more than three times a week, they might have colic, a condition characterized by prolonged periods of intense crying. Colic can be incredibly challenging for parents, but it usually resolves on its own by the time the baby is three to four months old. And, I've heard that once you have one colicky baby, you have pretty good odds that your other children will NOT be colicky - maybe this is true, maybe not.  But there is hope!

If your baby’s crying seems excessive, is accompanied by other symptoms (such as fever, vomiting, or a rash), or you just have a gut feeling that something isn’t right, it’s important to consult your pediatrician. They can help determine if there’s an underlying issue that needs to be addressed.

How to Soothe a Crying Baby

Every baby is different, so it might take some trial and error to find what works best for soothing your little one. Here are a few strategies to try:

• Swaddle your baby in a soft blanket to make them feel secure. There are also weighted blankets / sleepers that work wonders! Some babies want a foot out or an arm out...some like it super tight, some looser.  But remember, keep blankets and loose things away from your baby's face and neck.  Those little sleepers that snap or zip are a safe bet!

• Rock or bounce your baby gently to mimic the motion they experienced in the womb. Holding them firmly / snuggly and rocking or bouncing (think deep squats - you'll burn some extra calories for sure) can help.  Trying different positions like on their tummy, on your chest, on their back, sitting up more / lying back more)...also swinging side to side vs. back and forth might help.  There is a magic position in there somewhere!

• Use white noise or soft music to create a calming environment. Fans, vacuums, classical music, harp / drums / high pitched / low pitched sounds, heart beat sounds, frequency vibrations, tuning fork noise...all are great options.  Just experiment with different options.  And if it works one day, it might not work the next.

• Offer a pacifier if your baby finds sucking comforting. There are a ton of pacifier options...if they don't like one style, try another.  

• Take a break if you’re feeling overwhelmed. It’s okay to place your baby in a safe place, like their crib, and step away for a few minutes to collect yourself.  For real...this is ok!  Especially if you don't have someone to help you when you need it most.  The baby will be ok for a few minutes if you step out...or put on noise canceling headphones to give your brain a break.  If you don't want to leave the baby alone, and you don't have someone to help, this might be your best option.  But, take the break.  It's ok! Many, many, many - if not ALL - parents need this break.  Parenting newborns is HARD.  And, to be honest, most experienced parents don't tell the truth of how difficult it is.  Why?  Because people just don't talk about it...we haven't normalized the stress and emotional toll that newborns take on parents.  Parents are afraid to admit how much they struggled. Plus, if we all told the truth, it might deter people from having babies!  It gets better and is worth it.  And, many times, we really do forget how hard it was...so there is that. It's like selective memory or a trauma response.  But - 99.99% of parents have freaked out, wanted to leave, felt guilt, and wondered what in the heck were they thinking to get themselves into this.  But - it passes.  I promise!

Trust Yourself

As you navigate the ups and downs of early parenthood, remember that it’s normal to feel frustrated or helpless at times. Learning to understand your baby’s cries takes time, and it’s okay to ask for help when you need it. Trust your instincts and know that, with patience and care, you’ll become more confident in figuring out what your baby needs.

If your baby’s crying ever feels unmanageable, or you’re worried something might be wrong, don’t hesitate to reach out to your pediatrician. They can offer guidance and support to help you and your baby through this challenging stage. Some babies might have allergies, digestive issues, pain, fear, sensory processing challenges, etc.  They might be allergic to the breast milk or formula...they might have GERD, they might have something real going on.  I wish going to the doctor was free - but whatever the cost, it's worth it to get your baby on the right track.  By three - six / seven months, most babies have settled down.  So try to be patient.  AND, again, ask for help if you need it!